Ditch Your Date Night
Date night is a great idea in theory.
One night a week, plan something fun, romantic, enjoyable with your spouse.
Hire a sitter. Get dressed up. Go do something.
That all sounds great, BUT there are three major problems with the Date Night formula. These three things add stress to one if not both parties, not to mention date night might not be accomplishing what you want it to accomplish:
- Someone has to plan it
- It can become an expensive rut
- It’s time consuming
Problem 1 : Someone Has to Plan It
There’s a lot that goes into planning a date night that you will both enjoy and someone has to do all that planning!
First, come up with an awesome, fun, creative, romantic idea that both of you will enjoy. Simple, right? Well...not always...
“Let’s go to the movies.” I like rom-coms, but he likes action, so what movie do we pick?
“Let’s go to dinner.” I like seafood, but he’s allergic, so where do we eat?
“Let’s do something outdoors.” I like to swim, but he’s a terrible swimmer and hates it, so what do we choose?
You get the idea.
Let’s say you come up with an idea - yay, you! Next is scheduling. It’s great to have a night each week that’s set aside, but how easy is that to stick to? And if one of you has something come up, will the other get his or her feelings hurt?
Third, you have to plan your itinerary. What time are we going? When does the sitter need to arrive? And how much time do we need to explain things to her? How long will it take to get there? What if there’s traffic? When does the sitter need to leave? What if there’s a crowd at the restaurant and we have to wait?
Of course, this is do-able, but it just takes time to plan it.
Fourth, we don’t want to be too rigid, so be sure to stay spontaneous! Be on the lookout for unexpected fun!
Am I the only one who gets stressed by unexpected fun?! 😅 Maybe that makes me boring and too strict, but if I’ve gone through the trouble of planning a night out, chances are high that I actually want to do what we had planned…
And finally, be interesting and talk about meaningful things. Don’t just talk about kids or work (even though that’s the bulk of what’s on your mind at all times). Just turn all that off (and turn off your phones!) and engage.
I love the idea, but please tell me I’m the only one who struggles to “just turn all that off” - and we don’t even have kids!
Problem 2 : It Can Become an Expensive Rut
So maybe you decided to have weekly date nights because you feel like your marriage is in a rut. Every evening you do the same thing - eat dinner and watch your shows on Netflix. You decide to mix it up with a weekly date night.
But three weeks in, you're relating to the first problem above (who’s going to plan it?!) and find yourselves going out to eat and going to a movie every week.
Again, nothing wrong with that, but you’ve just exchanged one rut for a more expensive one!
Problem 3 : It’s Time Consuming
Making the plan is time consuming, but so is the execution of the event!
Get dressed up, drive somewhere, wait in line for a table or for the movie to start, do the thing, and then head home. If you’d stayed home, you’d be home by now! 😂
OUR SOLUTION : MICRO DATE NIGHTS!
We found a solution that really works for us!
Micro Date Nights!
What is a Micro Date Night?
Micro Date Nights are simple, planned-for-you activities that you do together that take no more than 7 minutes.
The secret to their success is that because they don’t take long and are already planned, you can do them every night or maybe every other night.
It’s all about consistency and intentionality.
All you need is a few minutes every day to build intimacy and connection with your spouse.
Why do Micro Date Nights work?
They work because transformation is the result of focus plus commitment plus consistency.
FOCUS + COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY = TRANSFORMATION
In order to build intimacy and connection, you need to focus on one another. These Micro Date Nights allow you to do just that.
You will have set aside the time every day or so(see commitment below) to be together doing something that is highly intentional. The Micro Date Nights vary between being intentionally fun, intentionally learning-focused, intentionally reminiscing, or intentionally ???
This focused time will cause you to see one another in a new light - or perhaps in a way you haven’t seen each other in a long time.
We recommend that both of you set an alarm on your phones for the same time every day. Ideally, this is a time when you will be able to stop whatever you’re doing and spend 7 minutes together.
For example, don’t set your alarm for 6:00 p.m. when you’re usually eating dinner. Do set your alarm for 8:45 p.m. because you put the kids to bed at 8:30 p.m.
Another idea is to put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror that says, “After you brush your teeth, do a Micro Date Night!” That way even if the timing varies, at least you’ve got it following a consistent habit. (Assuming ((hoping)) you brush your teeth every day…)
Or maybe it’s right after breakfast. Before you hurry off to work, spend 7 intentional minutes together. And then spend your day in a happy-bubble thinking about your spouse. (It’s like working out in the mornings - if nothing else, at least you accomplished that one thing today!)
Do you really not have 7 minutes a day to connect with your spouse?
Here’s how we see it…
$10 may not seem like much, but if you save $10 a week every week for a year, you’ll have $520 at the end of the year.
Walking for just 30 minutes a day may not seem like much, but if you do it every day for a year, you’ll have walked for 10,950 minutes, which is around 730 miles (depending on your speed, of course)!
You only spend about 4 minutes a day brushing your teeth (2 minutes, twice a day), but if you don’t do it, imagine the consequences! Bad breath! Cavities! Tooth decay!
Likewise, if you were to spend just 7 minutes every day intentionally connecting with your spouse (in some way that's better and has more impact than: “How was your day, dear?”), that’s 2,555 minutes by the end of the year. That’s roughly 42.5 hours, which is close to 2 whole extra days!
Bam! You just got away for the weekend without spending all that cash!
So, give Micro Date Nights a try!
We’ve created 7 Micro Date Nights for you to try for FREE.
And yes, we've seen positive results from just 7 days:
"He's been sweeter than usual. He comes into my home office every hour just to see me."
"We danced together for the first time in 20 years because of the Micro Date Night activity!"
Sign up for the 7 Micro Date Nights right here.
Once you’ve completed those and are totally in love with the concept, we also have a monthly bundle of 8 Micro Date Nights for just $7.
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